2014 FIFA World Cup

[Baddar]

Great clearance. I'm with Cannavaro on this one!

[brenchill]

If you're trying to clear someone's head, yeah, good clearance.

[Benjamin]

Yeah, he totally nicked his head, plus both defenders raised their legs all the way up the chest area when they already saw he was going to head it.

[brenchill]

It happened quite a lot in the game which was weird.

[GoGo Yubari]

So hey guys, I was going to do that thing I do but then I ended up spending two and a half hours on Dell tech support fixing my laptop's wireless. WE DID IT. THE DREAM WAS ACHIEVED. So here it is. Worse than ever.

GoGo Yubari Presents the GoGo Freelance Thing With GoGo Yubari!

This process is now FOUR FOR FOUR. HOW ABOUT THAT. It's almost like I picked the group winners every time and predicted against upsets!

France vs. Nigeria

France is representing GoGo Yubari. Nigeria is representing Gazz. I have not won an EWB thing through no actual accomplishment of my own in a decent amount of time and this is close enough to managing a football team that I think it's in Gazz's home court. Point to Nigeria.

Here's What You Should Know About France: Not unlike the Star Trek movies, they alternate between being pretty good and totally fucking awful every other World Cup. I don't know what particular incarnation of Star Trek film that makes the 2014 France squad, but I'm leaning towards Star Trek 4: Savin' the Whales.

Here's What You Should Know About Nigeria: They made it through their entire qualification campaign without scoring a single goal, and in their opening game against Iran were quite proud to have not scored nor conceded any goals whatsoever! Manager Stephen Keshi was quickly informed by the rest of the world that this was in fact not the way to attain success in the World Cup. The radical "let's have an effective offense" approach did its job and now they're in the round of 16!

A Brief Summary of this Matchup:

Spock is France. The '80s punk rocker listening to Fake Sex Pistols is Nigeria.

And Now, Which Country Has the Better National oh who am I kidding:

Allons enfants de la patrie,
Le jour de gloire est arrivé
Contre nous de la tyrannie
L'etendard sanglant est levé
Entendez vous dans les campagnes,
Mugir ces feroces soldats?
Ils viennent jusque dans nos bras
Egorger nos fils, nos compagnes!

Aux armes, citoyens!
Formez vos bataillons!
Marchons! Marchons!
Qu'un sang impur
Abreuve nos sillons!

isn't bad at all, but come on. This was always coming up France.

Germany vs. Algeria

9 to 5 got Germany. metalman got Algeria. Probably the toughest matchup in the round of 16 but I'm gonna make like the Random Rumble and vote against 9 to 5. We're back down to four and Algeria gets the point.

Here's What You Should Know About Germany: They only went undefeated in the group stage, dropping a truck on Portugal's hope of qualification in the very first round. HA! WHAT FAILURES. Let's all point and laugh at them.

Here's What You Should Know About Algeria: Four years ago, Algeria were fucking awful. They were the Memphis heels of the 2010 World Cup, just shenanigans and cheap shots and doing anything to win. In 2014 though they've gone through a face turn, actually being fun to watch for the most part and deserving to upend South Korea and Russia (aka the one aspect of Russian culture that Lana slowly but surely stopped mentioning on Twitter).

A Summary of How This Match Will Go: That being said, if Algeria somehow get a lead on Germany, Nabil Bentaleb will grab a chair, throw it at Mesut Ozil, and collapse on the pitch while the ref's back is turned, getting Ozil red carded. It will be the first thing Bentaleb has ever done that gains Tottenham supporters' approval.

Fuck That Shit WHO HAS THE BETTER NATIONAL ANTHEM: Oh,

Algeria is the breakout national anthem of the tournament for me, it's catchy and relatively unique and the version they're doing at the World Cup has people singing along with the melody after the first time it plays and before the actual lyrics come in. Germany's is, I don't know. I'd ask "where's the fun?" but it's Germany so why even ask that.

In fact, the gulf between anthems is so wide that I'm giving this match to Algeria. FUCK THE PERFECT RECORD, I'M FLYING TOO CLOSE TO THE SUN. Who waaaaaaaaaaaants to liiiiiiiiiive foreveeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeer~

See you tomorrow when my post will seriously just be Hulk Hogan's entrance themes over the years and dogs wearing American flag bandannas.

[Gazz]

Shola vs Yohan, Mathieu and Moussa.

This is going to be like watching your children fight for your love.

[EddieG]

[brenchill]

1 outta 4 pen attempts ain't bad.

[Lineker]

I ordered a James 10 Colombia shirt about ten minutes after that absolute stonker went in.

I sort of had to.

Also, Costa Rica!

[Gazz]

Such a bandwagon jumper.

[Lineker]

Not at all.

I got it on the cheap though.

So Jewwer, not bandwagonner!

[King Ellis]

Liniker was telling me he hears there's a kid worth looking out for, Messy or something, might be big in the future.

[Baddar]

Not at all.

I got it on the cheap though.

So Jewwer, not bandwagonner!

Link! I want one too.

(because of course)

[Lineker]

Friend ordered it for me with his huge discount. Sorry!

[Baddar]

Fucking jews.

[Lineker]

Why are you assuming that he's Jewish? That's quite offensive.

He is Jewish.

[Gazz]

All your 1,000+ friends are Jewish. No wonder everyone thinks there is a Zionist New World Order conspiracy...

[Lineker]

Well that's just not true :/

[Gazz]

Sorry, 1,300+ friends.

Wouldn't want to sell you short.

[Lineker]

Neither is that :/