Download Festival: 2011

[New Damage]

It depends what type of stuff Puddle of Mudd go for in their set. If it's mostly there stuff from their 4th album that came out before Xmas 2009, which is largely slightly heavier than Nickelback, I can't see it getting over well. But I imagine stuff from Come Clean, especially She Hates Me and Control, and maybe even Famous, should do pretty good.

[DFF]

It depends what type of stuff Puddle of Mudd go for in their set. If it's mostly there stuff from their 4th album that came out before Xmas 2009, which is largely slightly heavier than Nickelback, I can't see it getting over well. But I imagine stuff from Come Clean, especially She Hates Me and Control, and maybe even Famous, should do pretty good.

In all honesty, as long as they don't suck live I think they'll go down pretty well. There'll be quite a nostalgic feel to their set (especially as it has been so long since they were in the limelight over here), that they could play an 'average' set and still come out of it okay.

[DFF]

Metal Hammer's Dom Lawson addresses the people moaning about Download's line-up:

Oh, now look at what you’ve gone and done. All of the bitching and whining done about festivals this year has pushed our very own Dom Lawson over the edge. Read his rant inside!

If there’s one thing that life has taught me, it’s that the more things stay exactly the fucking same, the more ridiculously irritating they become. And the internet, for all its many wonderful features (none spring to mind, obviously, but I’m sure there must be some, considering that most of us seem to spend out ENTIRE FUCKING LIVES staring at the damn thing), seems to have mutated into a giant magnifying glass with the sole purpose of making all the really annoying aspects of people’s idiotic behaviour seem a million times bigger and more brain-shaggingly stupid and soul-destroying. Yeah, thanks a lot, the internet. You fatuous tosspiece.

Yes, it’s that time of year again. Despite trying to fool the handful of people that actually pay any attention to what I do on a daily basis that I’m a professional music journalist with some vaguely interesting opinions to impart, the reality of my day-to-day existence, as winter becomes spring, is that I am spending more and more time gawping at my monitor, reading the witless and enervating synapse-spittle of joyless arsetools who simply can’t get their tiny, pointed heads around the self-evident fact that rock festivals in the UK are not designed specifically with their own implausibly awful and/or splendid taste in music in mind.

Suddenly, I’m struck with an overwhelming sense of deja-vu, because yes, I did write a blog about this very fucking subject roughly 12 months ago, inspired by the mind-blowing phenomenon of supposedly sentient beings expressing distaste at the announcement that Download had booked AC/DC and Aerosmith – two of the BIGGEST FUCK OFF ROCK BANDS ON THE PLANET, lest we forget – as headliners for 2010’s jamboree of ear-damage and liver abuse. And here we are again, one year on, and the whole exhausting cavalcade of cuntish behaviour dribbles inexorably on. How fucking marvellous.

This year’s tard-fest is somewhat different, of course. In 2009 and 2010, most people seemed relatively satisfied with the fact that the UK had two major mainstream rock/metal festivals to enjoy during the summer months. The emergence of Sonisphere meant that people had a choice of large scale rock knees-ups for the first time in years and, thanks to line-ups that were necessarily distinct, the two festivals could only really be said to complement each other. Only people with fat wallets or ghastly freeloaders like myself could reasonably expect to attend both in one year, of course, but that’s beside the point.

A bit of choice, for once, seemed like a good thing and a decent number of people expressed their preference for one festival or the other with a modicum of grace and intelligence, give or take a few thousand utter twazzocks who would complain mid-blowjob if the curtains were THE WRONG CUNTING COLOUR.

In contrast, 2011 appears to have become the ‘Year Of The Perpetually Whining Cock’, and for reasons best known to the drooling turdslingers who have been cluttering up forums, Facebooks, Tumblrs and Twitters for the last few weeks with their tedious complaints, the Download festival has been the main recipient of all the vitriol.

I guess that’s the price the organisers’ are bound to pay for being the original UK rock/metal bonanza: if you’ve been leading the way for a long time, the new kid on the block is always going to have more immediate appeal, the enticing gleam of the new and an air of freshness that a legendary venue like Castle Donington has long since outgrown. And yes, this year’s Sonisphere line-up looks pretty fucking great.

You can’t really argue with the Big Four or Slipknot as mighty headliners, and there are many, many other great bands on the bill too. And Limp Bizkit (fuck off, Dom – Beez). After having their arses gently booted for the last two years (with all due respect, Download won this non-existent war by booking Faith No More and Slipknot in 2009 and AC/DC trumps everything, always), Sonisphere have come up with the goods in 2011 and it doesn’t take a genius to see why, at this stage in the game, the new boys are getting the most praise.

But here’s a nugget of truth-poo for your brain-cupboards: this entire pointless debate is entirely based on an unavoidably unequal divide in support for two utterly different festival line-ups, and so as great as the Sonisphere bill undoubtedly is, every time I read some squawking dullard bitching away about how it’s “game over” and how Donington is going to be a silent wasteland populated only by tumbleweed and a heartbroken, snivelling Andy Copping sitting on a tearstained picnic blanket, I genuinely feel like setting fire to the internet and laughing as all these toothless moaners scream their mentally-deficient way into a thoroughly deserved early grave.

The truth is that for many punters, the Download bill is looking absolutely fucking splendid. Call me a cunt if you like, and I’m sure some of you will whip yourselves into a froth at the very idea that I might have an opinion that doesn’t precisely mirror your own, but I’m really looking forward to seeing Alice Cooper, Rob Zombie, The Cult, System Of A Down, Korn, Alter Bridge, Down, Danzig (“what is a Dainzig?” – Ed), Thin Lizzy, Twisted FUCKING Sister, Avenged Sevenfold, Clutch, Cheap Trick, Turisas, GWAR, Evile, Suicide Silence, Your Demise, Ghost, Sacred Mother Tongue and All That Remains.

There are also more names yet to be announced, one of which has already made me nearly snap my penis in half with excitement. If that’s a shit festival line-up, then I’m Taylor Momsen. Whoever the fuck she is!!! RIGHT, KIDS???

Yes, of course, there are some bands on the Download bill that make me want to STAB STAB STAB, but then I’d rather be skinned alive and boiled in my own hissing diarrhoea than have to sit through All-Time Low, Sum 41 or Kids In Glass Houses either. Beer exists. I fail to see a problem.

And yes, I’m genuinely excited about seeing Def Leppard again. They were amazing last time round, as virtually everyone who saw them will agree, and if ever there was a band with a catalogue of hits big enough to pull off a second headlining turn at Download within three years then it’s artful old hands like them.

I find it faintly hilarious that people are criticising Download for booking the Leps again, not least because Sonisphere have booked Metallica for the second time in three years too (and let’s face it, Rick Allen is a better drummer than Lars Ulrich and can actually play Photograph and Pour Some Sugar On Me properly without passing out. Add your own limb-related punchline to that one, if you wish! Superlolz!!1!).

In fact, if you look at the headliners for both festivals, it’s a little bit ridiculous to be hurling abuse at either one. As much as I’d love to see Iron Maiden, Rush and Van Halen headlining Download, it’s obviously not going to happen this year. I suspect that Mr. Copping considered all options and researched the availability of all of rock’s biggest names before deciding on his headliners and it’s a little bit moronic to suggest otherwise.

Meanwhile, Sonisphere and Metallica are openly in cahoots and the Big Four thing was always on the cards, wasn’t it? Okay, so Linkin Park are WELL TOILET on an extraordinary scale and I fully intend to drink myself to death in the VIP bar during their set, but there will be other, more entertaining things happening elsewhere at Donington at that point anyway. Rob Zombie setting fire to robots, for starters!

Anyway, all waffling and idle hatred aside, my point is this: Download and Sonisphere are both going to be fucking great. Personally, I’m going to Download. I missed it last year and was gutted to do so. This year, I have grand plans to scream myself hoarse during Twisted BASTARD Sister, to bang my head until vomit spurts out of my nose during Evile and to cause major damage to my spine while Cossack dancing to System Of A Down. If that sounds like the sort of weekend you might enjoy, then do feel free to join me.

If you’d rather go to Sonisphere, feel free to do that instead! That’s the wonder of choice, ladies and gentlemen. As much as you Sonisphere fans might like to think that Andy Copping will be chasing you down your local high street with eyes full of tears, waving a soggy Download ticket at you and begging you to reconsider, I suspect he can cope with the notion that you can’t win ‘em all and that pleasing all the people all of the time is, if we’re being honest, an impossible dream. Back in the sane world Donington will be, as always, a little bit magical.

It’s festival season. Put a smile on your face, buy a ticket for the event that looks most exciting and start saving up for your exorbitant bar tab. As someone scary once said, do what thou sodding well wilt. And then shut the fuck up about it and stop annoying me. And throw your laptop out of the window. And get a girlfriend. And shave off that ridiculous excuse for a beard. You bleating fanny. Now fuck off. I’m starving.

Lots of love,

Dom Lawson xxx

from: http://www.metalhammer.co.uk/news/dom-lawsons-blogs-of-war-stop-whinging-about-download/

A little OTT, but he makes valid points.

[Dan]

What he fails to realize is, that unlike him, mere mortal pay for festivals and some have to save up for months to go to one, he probably goes to 10 a year, what a tosser.

[DFF]

What he fails to realize is, that unlike him, mere mortal pay for festivals and some have to save up for months to go to one, he probably goes to 10 a year, what a tosser.

What's that got to do with both line-ups being good, and choice being a good thing?

[Rich]

What he fails to realize is, that unlike him, mere mortal pay for festivals and some have to save up for months to go to one, he probably goes to 10 a year, what a tosser.

What's that got to do with both line-ups being good, and choice being a good thing?

Why don't they just make it one six day festival then?

[Dan]

What he fails to realize is, that unlike him, mere mortal pay for festivals and some have to save up for months to go to one, he probably goes to 10 a year, what a tosser.

What's that got to do with both line-ups being good, and choice being a good thing?

Hey, I'm not saying the line-ups aren't good or whatever (neither appeal to me much, I'd like to see SOAD but I've pretty much seen every band at either I'd want to see apart from them), but his rant is a joke, he's telling people they can't moan about line-ups if they don't like the line-ups, putting himself on some pedestal and basically whining more about people than they moan about the line-up.

[DFF]

What he fails to realize is, that unlike him, mere mortal pay for festivals and some have to save up for months to go to one, he probably goes to 10 a year, what a tosser.

What's that got to do with both line-ups being good, and choice being a good thing?

Hey, I'm not saying the line-ups aren't good or whatever (neither appeal to me much, I'd like to see SOAD but I've pretty much seen every band at either I'd want to see apart from them), but his rant is a joke, he's telling people they can't moan about line-ups if they don't like the line-ups, putting himself on some pedestal and basically whining more about people than they moan about the line-up.

Hmmm... maybe if it's read out of context, you might infer that. I have read the forums, the Download FB page and AC's twitter account, and the amount of shit being hurled for no good reason is diabolical.

There's a difference between not liking the line-up/critiquing it, and the downright vitriol that is being posted. Lawson's blog is simply a retaliatory shot. It had been coming, in all honesty.

[GA!]

Yes, let's all respect the opinion of someone who genuinely called those complaining 'witless' and 'arsetools' in the same sentence.

[Nerf]

They ARE witless arsetools.

[Rich]

They ARE witless arsetools.

Pot. Kettle. Black.

[Nerf]

They ARE witless arsetools.

Pot. Kettle. Black.

100,000 sperm and you were the fastest?

[Skummy]

Yeah, what a load of crap. I haven't read the Download message board, but then why should I? If I was buying Metal Hammer magazine and that was what I got out of it, I'd feel insulted. It's my fucking perogative to criticise the festival line-up, because the line-up's laughably bad. But oh, I won't now, because some ranting Charlie Brooker wannabe in a second-rate music mag is telling me that Slipknot, Def Leppard and Limp Bizkit are viable festival headliners in 2011, obviously I was wrong all along.

In summary, shove it up your arse, Dom Lawson. It's up to me whether I buy tickets to this bastard thing or not, and that depends on the line-up, so it's my right to protest when it's a bag of shit, and when its content to rely on tried-and-tested wank rather than anything new or halfway interesting, and I don't need some jizzbag telling me otherwise because he happens to like Twisted Sister.

It's our fucking right to complain when we're not happy with the way things are. Nothing in life has ever been achieved by lying back and dreaming of England while you let the status quo fuck you raw.

EDITed because I capitalised "Status Quo", which rather changed the meaning of that last sentence. And made me feel dirty.

[Rich]

They ARE witless arsetools.

Pot. Kettle. Black.

100,000 sperm and you were the fastest?

Actually there are about 111 million sperm in a single ejaculation, so to be in the quickest 0.1 percent of the sperm you prepose me to be in, I consider it a compliment

[Nerf]

Yeah, what a load of crap. I haven't read the Download message board, but then why should I? If I was buying Metal Hammer magazine and that was what I got out of it, I'd feel insulted. It's my fucking perogative to criticise the festival line-up, because the line-up's laughably bad. But oh, I won't now, because some ranting Charlie Brooker wannabe in a second-rate music mag is telling me that Slipknot, Def Leppard and Limp Bizkit are viable festival headliners in 2011, obviously I was wrong all along.

In summary, shove it up your arse, Dom Lawson. It's up to me whether I buy tickets to this bastard thing or not, and that depends on the line-up, so it's my right to protest when it's a bag of shit, and when its content to rely on tried-and-tested wank rather than anything new or halfway interesting, and I don't need some jizzbag telling me otherwise because he happens to like Twisted Sister.

It's our fucking right to complain when we're not happy with the way things are. Nothing in life has ever been achieved by lying back and dreaming of England while you let the status quo fuck you raw.

EDITed because I capitalised "Status Quo", which rather changed the meaning of that last sentence. And made me feel dirty.

Thing is, though, you're complaining because you don't happen to like Twisted Sister (as an example). Complaining about the lineup of a music festival is soul-destroyingly stupid. Andy Copping isn't designing his festival to cater to your personal music taste. If you don't like the lineup, don't go. It's as simple as that. The fact that most of the bitching stems from "I don't like ________ so the lineup is shit" or "I wanted ________ to play, why didn't they book them?" is fucking moronic, though to your credit you haven't stooped to such an argument, and I thank you for that. Nobody is forcing you to buy a ticket at gunpoint. His writing was a little OTT at points, but he makes a lot of valid points.

Metalhammer is a second rate music magazine?

I'd also like to point out that the lineup is NOT "a bag of shit." The next time I hear somebody say that then I swear to fuck I'm gonna end up going all Virginia Tech on some cunts. And honestly... anybody that says this year's lineup is "tried and tested" or has nothing new doesn't know shit about music and their opinion counts for absolutely nothing anyway.

If you want me to, I'll explain in detail exactly how this year is perhaps the most innovative Download lineup yet.

Edited March 4, 2011 by Nerf

[DFF]

Yeah, what a load of crap. I haven't read the Download message board, but then why should I? If I was buying Metal Hammer magazine and that was what I got out of it, I'd feel insulted. It's my fucking perogative to criticise the festival line-up, because the line-up's laughably bad. But oh, I won't now, because some ranting Charlie Brooker wannabe in a second-rate music mag is telling me that Slipknot, Def Leppard and Limp Bizkit are viable festival headliners in 2011, obviously I was wrong all along.

In summary, shove it up your arse, Dom Lawson. It's up to me whether I buy tickets to this bastard thing or not, and that depends on the line-up, so it's my right to protest when it's a bag of shit, and when its content to rely on tried-and-tested wank rather than anything new or halfway interesting, and I don't need some jizzbag telling me otherwise because he happens to like Twisted Sister.

It's our fucking right to complain when we're not happy with the way things are. Nothing in life has ever been achieved by lying back and dreaming of England while you let the status quo fuck you raw.

EDITed because I capitalised "Status Quo", which rather changed the meaning of that last sentence. And made me feel dirty.

There's a difference between disliking a line-up (simply saying, 'that sucks/is not to my taste' I'm going elsewhere), and the horrific response by the plebs on the forum/facebook page.

As yes, Def Leppard and Slipknot are viable headliners in 2011. As for Limp Bizkit - they aren't headlining.

There are 5 stages at Download, of which the top 2 are easily comparable for size bands at the top end - and the 3rd stage isn't shabby too. If you don't like the main stage headliner, watch the 2nd or 3rd headliners instead. If you don't like them? Too bad. If there are enough bands you want to see at the festival, then get a ticket and go. If not, don't. It's really quite simple, and doesn't need all the negativity that people throw at it.

Personally, I have never been disappointed with Download's line-up (I've been every year since 07). Sure, some years have what would be perceived to be better line-ups than others, but that is going to happen. Each year, I've enjoyed well over 20 bands - from unknown openers, through to multi-millionaire headliners.

It's not like the type of bands booked this year differs (in style, size, originality, etc) than any year that has gone before it. There's rock, metal and sub-genres in between - as well as a smattering of artists from outside that scope.

[GA!]

I'd also like to point out that the lineup is NOT "a bag of shit." The next time I hear somebody say that then I swear to fuck I'm gonna end up going all Virginia Tech on some cunts. And honestly... anybody that says this year's lineup is "tried and tested" or has nothing new doesn't know shit about music and their opinion counts for absolutely nothing anyway.

The line-up is a bag of shit.

[Nerf]

brb

[DFF]

I'd also like to point out that the lineup is NOT "a bag of shit." The next time I hear somebody say that then I swear to fuck I'm gonna end up going all Virginia Tech on some cunts. And honestly... anybody that says this year's lineup is "tried and tested" or has nothing new doesn't know shit about music and their opinion counts for absolutely nothing anyway.

The line-up is a bag of shit.

Maybe it's not to your taste, but it certainly isn't shit. I want to see (or are at least interested in) 30 of the 52 bands announced so far. Shit it is not.

[Timmoru Suzuki]

Yeah, what a load of crap. I haven't read the Download message board, but then why should I? If I was buying Metal Hammer magazine and that was what I got out of it, I'd feel insulted. It's my fucking perogative to criticise the festival line-up, because the line-up's laughably bad. But oh, I won't now, because some ranting Charlie Brooker wannabe in a second-rate music mag is telling me that Slipknot, Def Leppard and Limp Bizkit are viable festival headliners in 2011, obviously I was wrong all along.

In summary, shove it up your arse, Dom Lawson. It's up to me whether I buy tickets to this bastard thing or not, and that depends on the line-up, so it's my right to protest when it's a bag of shit, and when its content to rely on tried-and-tested wank rather than anything new or halfway interesting, and I don't need some jizzbag telling me otherwise because he happens to like Twisted Sister.

It's our fucking right to complain when we're not happy with the way things are. Nothing in life has ever been achieved by lying back and dreaming of England while you let the status quo fuck you raw.

EDITed because I capitalised "Status Quo", which rather changed the meaning of that last sentence. And made me feel dirty.

Thing is, though, you're complaining because you don't happen to like Twisted Sister (as an example). Complaining about the lineup of a music festival is soul-destroyingly stupid. Andy Copping isn't designing his festival to cater to your personal music taste. If you don't like the lineup, don't go. It's as simple as that. The fact that most of the bitching stems from "I don't like ________ so the lineup is shit" or "I wanted ________ to play, why didn't they book them?" is fucking moronic, though to your credit you haven't stooped to such an argument, and I thank you for that. Nobody is forcing you to buy a ticket at gunpoint. His writing was a little OTT at points, but he makes a lot of valid points.

Basically; this.

And it's a shame that Dom Lawson's piece was so horribly written; as it contained a lot of damn good points.

The Download line-up is not shit. Not by a long shot. It may not appeal to your tastes, and that's fine. The world would be a fucking boring place if everyone liked the same stuff, so fine. But a lot of people are making the mistake of believing that their tastes and personal opinions are gospel fact.

I also find the accusation that Download having a "tried and tested" line-up is a terrible, horrible travesty somewhat silly. Could Download take a chance with a handful more bands each year? Yes, yes it certainly could; but at the end of the day the point of the entire thing is to make money. And thus TRIED AND TESTED bands are smart booking choices, because they bring people in. A festival full of obscure acts plucked from university student unions and minor indy record labels may provide something different, and may even be an amazing festival but (in comparion at least) no fucker would be there.

On an unrelated note, some see Sonisphere as taking more risks in the bands it books, and I'll give them that. But, in 99% of suck cases, such acts get 10-20 minute slots on obscure stages, making their booking slightly pointless (from the POV of a fan of said band) when you might as well see them on tour - often for a couple of quid - and get a set 2/3 times as long. Anyway, as I said, side issue.