The BVS WWE: 2004-05

[TAFKA Castroneves]

Wow, I don't think I really can just show you how much I still enjoy reading this diary Dukes.

It's very interesting to see how you have progressed since your beginnings, how the roster has changed and developed - although I'm still a bit sketchy around the middle of the diary (cause I was lazy and didn't read for a while) although I'm definatly going to be catching up that better.

So when I eventually re-read this entire thing again I will have to get around dedicating an afternoon to give you my total views on this work. But as of now, it's great.

And I'm actually liking Taker/Kidman...shoot me now.

So keep up the good work my friend, this diary is a great read indeed.

Edited April 16, 2005 by TAFKA Castroneves

[The Third Dukes]

- The SmarKDown! Rant for Mar. 10 / 05, taped Mar. 08.

- from Roanoke, VA.

- Your hosts are Michael Cole and Jim Cornette.

- Opening match: Kenzo Suzuki v. Eddie Guerrero. I think we've officially reached the "We have no clue what we're doing" phase with Eddie. Hopefully they fix it by next week. Anyway, Kenzo attacks before the bell and chops away, getting a powerslam and head vice. Eddie flips out and tries a rana but gets powerbombed for two. Knee to the head gets two as the crowd begins to rally behind Eddie. Corner charge misses and Eddie gets the rolling verticals. Slingshot senton gets two. Shannon Ward climbs to the apron and gets knocked off, and Eddie gets a spinkick and frog splash to end it at 4:53. It's a living. *

- Ah, but wait...

Eddie: "You know, as long as I'm out here, let me talk to a certain Señor Kurt Angle. Kurt, you claim that Rey and I are paper contenders? Well, if you're so certain that you and your boy Brock Lesnar are better, how about you two face us next week? We'll even give you a title shot if you win! Cuz you see, Kurt... NO ONE wants to see you as WWE Tag Team Champion. NO ONE, in fact, wants to see you at all! When we go to Los Angeles, they want to see their hombres, Eddie Guerrero y Rey Misterio, come home with the WWE Tag Team Championships! We're gonna do that no matter what it takes! VIVA GUERRERO!"

- Dammit, why do they have to make SmackDown! into Must-See TV while I'm in the middle of Saskatoon?

- Car Wreck match: Rey Misterio v. Nick Mondo. Might as well call it like it is. Handshake to start, but Rey dazzles Mondo with a pair of ranas and a dropkick to send him to the outside. Rey follows with a corkscrew plancha, but Mondo catches him and slams him onto the railing. Back in, big boot gets two. Mondo gets a tilt-a-whirl and legdrop for two. Into the ropes, and Mondo nails the Sledgehammer. He returns with a springboard dropkick for two. He tries the Assault Driver, but Rey gets a Victory Roll for two. Hiptoss into the 6-1-9, but Mondo catches the West Coast Hop and powerbombs him for two. Mondo tries to toss Rey, but he holds on, scales the ropes, and lands M.Bison on Mondo. Rana gets two. Springboard splash gets two. Mondo catches Rey in a Bossman Slam for two. He tries another Assault Driver when Nathan Jones and Kenzo Suzuki run in for the DQ at 7:08. Just when it was getting good, too. ** A huge brawl erupts, the highlight being Mondo and Rey hitting a combined 6-1-9/Sledgehammer on Suzuki, and Mondo challenges both Nathan and Kenzo for next week to a match with a partner of his choosing. Nathan tells him to bring his lunch.

- Mattitude v. New Blood and Edge. Pier Six to start, and Matt works over Edge while his buddies double Maven. Conway races over and cradles Matt for one, kicking off a pinfall reversal sequence that ends when the two trip into Shannon and Maven. Edge suplexes Evan to send him to the outside, and it's TRAINWRECK TIME as Edge, Shannon, Matt, Maven, and Conway all do increasingly cool leaps, ending with Conway doing a moonsault (and getting about 10 feet of air on it) onto everyone. This leaves Edge and Evan in the ring, and Edge spears Evan down, but Matt saves at two and gets a gutwrench suplex. Northern Lights suplex gets two, and he works the back as we go to break. We come back with Shannon hitting a moonsault for two. He gets a Lionsault press for two. Rana gets two. He goes CLUBBERIN, TONY, then scores a DDT for two. Matt in, and a Bossman Slam gets two. Twist of Fate is blocked, but Matt tags in Shannon, who gets a springboard rana for two. Evan in, but Edge knocks him over with a bodypress. Hot tag Maven, and everyone gets armdrags. DROPKICK OF DOOM to Matt, and he and Conway hit their stack belly-to-belly superplex on Evan for two. Slingshot suplex from Conway to Shannon gets two, but Matt saves and it's BONZO GONZO. Hi/Lo Dropkick from the New Blood, and Conway puts the IRON CLAW~! on Evan for the pin at 11:38. Next time, get rid of Evan and Maven and just have a 2 on 2 match. I'm not kidding. **1/2

- The Creature of the Night brings Pain and Suffering to the ring and cuts the usual generic fire-and-brimstone promo. Only things noteworthy: she uses the same whisper-like tones Torrie did; and the camera zooms in on her necklace. Kidman attacks from the crowd and tries his best, but dude, he's 5'7 and 200 and they're 6'6 and 300 in a McMahon universe. Fugeddaboutit. 3 Live Kru of all people arrive to turn the tide, Undertaker does his lights thing and appears, and somewhere along the line Roddy Piper volunteers Michael Cole again for an...

- Impromptu Tag Match: Army of Darkness v. Kidman, Konnan, and Killings. I'd comment on the alliteration of the face side, but a black man on a KKK team is just too weird. Road Dogg joins Jim Cornette on commentary. It's a huge brawl and never really stops being such. Kidman and Taker take the exit strategy, as Kidman pounds Taker on the outside, but Taker tries a Tombstone on Kidman on the ramp. Thankfully, Killings dives and knocks Taker over, but that leaves Pain and Suffering in the ring with Konnan, and a Superbomb finishes him at 1:43. Normally I'd complain about a two-minute squash to get over a couple of meaningless flunkies... but it's Konnan. DUD

- Okay, is it wrong that I wouldn't mind seeing Shelton Benjamin and Billy Kidman go one-on-one, boxing or no?

- WWE United States Title: Ron Simmons v. Jonathan Bradshaw. Much like Scotsman's wedding night, the execution of this is gonna be a lot worse than the theory. In a cute bit, both men get into three-point stances prior to the bell and lock up in a full football grapple. Simmons tosses Bradshaw to the outside and follows, nailing him with a right cross. Bradshaw tosses Simmons into the STEEL post, and back in, he gets a fallaway slam for two. Bradshaw with a shoulderblock for two and he HITS THE CHINLOCK. Simmons powers out and gets an Angry Man Spinebuster. Steven stops a three-point charge, and Bradshaw tosses Simmons into the corner. Powerbomb gets two. Simmons kicks Bradshaw away and hits a powerbomb of his own for two. Okay, we have now established the powerbomb as a near fall. Simmons misses a blind charge, and Bradshaw goes for the lariat... and runs straight into a powerslam for the pin at 4:54. Damn, and I was actually looking forward to using hot pokers on Bradshaw, too. 1/2*

- Okay, nobody tell Jody I just said I wanted to give another man anal penetration, got it?

- Back to the ring, where it's a 4-on-1 beatdown of Simmons until Van Dam helps clear things. Steven takes the mic and declares they're too late and they'll never Stephanie back. Speaking of which, who's got Stephanie? Bull calmly says he left her with a new recruit. A certain Mr. Gregory Helms. A former mild-mannered journalist. RVD and Simmons are having a REALLY hard time keeping a straight face here. Sure enough, Hurricane emerges with Stephanie (in a forced RTC garb, acting like she's wearing something infected with plague) and explains how he took out Mr. Helms in a tough battle and came to her rescue. That was actually brilliant. Batman would be proud. So with Steph out of the RTC (and soon out of uniform) it's a six-man at WrestleMania. Simmons/RVD/Hurricane v. Bull/Bradshaw/Morley, and Steven and Stephanie will be handcuffed together at ringside. Kinky. Also ten times better than any US title match.

- Main event: Team Angle v. Dangerous Alliance. The DA wisely waits for Team Angle to pick someone to start, and it's Kurt and Fujita. Kurt half-heartedly wrestles down Fujita, only to get clocked in the head and nailed with a DDT. Colt in with a springboard dropkick, and he and Tajiri get dual roundhouse kicks to send Kurt to the outside. Apparently this is tornado rules, because Brock races in and Steinerlines both men down, so Ultimo dives in with a swinging headscissors. A few strikes set Brock on his back, and La Majistral follows for one before WGTT race in and all heck breaks loose. It's a huge Pier Eight and the heels try to whip the faces together, leading to what is easily the most awesome counter I've ever seen: Tajiri ducks to his hands and knees, Colt slides beneath Tajiri, Fujita picks Colt up, Ultimo stops on Tajiri's back, and Colt and Fujita fling Ultimo off of Tajiri onto Kurt, getting two before Haas saves. That, my friends, is the first contender for Spot of the Year. Shelton then ONE-UPS it, leaping off of Tajiri's back and double bulldogging Colt and Fujita down. Tajiri then is picked up by Brock into the F-5 position, but Ultimo attacks the legs, bringing him to one knee, and Fujita nails a Shining Wizard as Tajiri falls on top for two. Screw Eddie and Rey -- Team JAPAN v. Team Angle, dammit! Anyway, Shelton catches Ultimo from behind in a release German suplex, and everyone clears the ring as the Iizuka scale revs up. Leapfrog choke, and Haas applies a leglock as we go to break. We come back with Angle continuing the leglock, but Ultimo makes the ropes. Overhead suplex, times two, gets two. Haas in, and a release German suplex and swinging neckbreaker get two. Shelton nails a T-Bone for two. Brock with an overhead suplex and gutwrench slam for two. He tries a powerbomb, but Ultimo fights long enough for Colt to dropkick Brock and put Ultimo on top for two. Kurt tries an Angle Slam, but Ultimo gets a hiptoss out of it and nails a roundhouse kick and both are down. Haas tries to stop the tag, but Ultimo kicks him away and makes the final lunge to bring in Tajiri. KICK KICK KICK and Shelton gets the Tarantula, with Colt adding a dropkick for the heck of it. Fujita works over Kurt in the corner, landing the roaring elbow, but Brock gives him an overhead suplex, only to turn around and walk into a belly-to-belly from Colt. Team Angle bails, and all four DA members hit planchas on all four sides. EVERYBODY BACK IN THE POOL as Fujita gets a Northern Lights suplex, but Brock drives his knee into Fujita's exposed gut. Shelton with the 450 on Tajiri, but as he gets the ref, Ultimo lands the Asai DDT off the second rope. Colt with Colt 45 on Haas, but Kurt sneaks up from behind with the Angle Slam as the ref tries to clear everyone out, and that gets the pin at 19:55. This match REALLY needed another 10-15 minutes. ***1/4 And I fail to see the point in jobbing Colt out.

The Bottom Line:

A couple of smokin' multi-man tags make this an easy thumbs-up episode. I guess the RTC six-man was necessary, and if anything Bull and Bradshaw have a nice chemistry while Morley's a good worker. Certainly won't be boring as a match, although I'm sure the shenanigans at ringside will help. Matt/Edge and Kidman/Taker continue on, and Rob Conway is showing flashes of brilliance that just might get him over.

Next week, it's Mondo/someone v. Nathan/Kenzo and Eddie/Rey v. Angle/Brock. One of these things is not like the others...

[oldskool]

Finally you're going to use The Hurricane!

Heyman has the Dangerous Alliance 2K4...2K5, whatever.

Angle has Team Angle Remix.

What does Stephanie have? The Stud Stable?

[Guest peter]

I demand Super Cage 2: Team JAPAN, Team ANGLE, Rey and Eddie, and ... WGTT

[Troy Maskell]

Yeah for the three of you who wrote. I'm still here. And for the nine who wrote to Widro asking for my head. Blow me, I ain't going nowhere. So why did I blow off Monday? I could lie to you all but I won't. I was suffering from Hyatte Syndrome (Medical Name: Ineedabreakus Fuckthecolumnnus). I wasn't moved from Raw cause I hate the Molly push. I'll doing the Recap Monday. I just needed a day off.

Now on with the show

[The Third Dukes]

- The SmarK RAW Rant for Mar. 14 / 05.

Hey, could someone hook Troy up with last week's RAW, or at the very least the RNN segment? The guy seemed a little out of sorts in his SD! Pulse, and I figured he could use the marking out. I mean, if you're a Rocky fanboy like me and a fan of in-ring goodness, those last 20 minutes of RAW were like a gift from the sportz entertainment gods. Much like this week, as we sub out Rock and insert JERICHO~! It's Jericho/Michaels v. Benoit/Orton, and anything short of a Michaels and Orton turning and beating their partners up will be A-OK with me.

- Live from the Lost Continent of Atlanta.

- Your hosts are Jim "This place looks familiar" Ross and Dallas "I'm getting flashbacks" Page.

- RNN. First, Orton promises Evolution will win tonight, and says he is well aware of Rock's presence in the building and is not scared of him. His guest is Scott Hall, who gets a bizarre mixed reaction. Orton asks Hall what it's like to be back at the scene of the crime, and Hall blows him off. He demands that La Résistance name their opponents tonight, and that he and Booker T are the real stars of the tag division. Orton takes umbrage, claiming Hall's too old to be a star of anything outside of Heroes of Wrestling. Hall lets Orton know that he's as much of a punk as the ol' Cowboy, and that maybe he oughta be branding cattle. This quickly turns into homosexual innuendo before the RKO shuts him up. Orton hits the catchphrase, and we're out.

- Backstage, Michael Shane wants to find Lance Storm.

- Opening slaughter: Kane v. Chris Harris. Big boot, chokeslam, Tombstone, good night at 1:17. DUD, but a necessary one to give Kane some heat back. Kane takes the mic now:

Kane: "So. I hear the little girl is running back to her sanctuary of the catfights. What's the matter, Molly? Don't think you can handle me? That's all right; many men have tried and failed. What makes you think you'll succeed? At WrestleMania, Molly, I will take all your fears -- all your hidden doubts -- all your nightmares -- and I will amplify them to the ultimate degree. Molly, when I'm done, you'll be such a wreck you won't want to fight anyone -- man or woman -- in the ring again. You'll be just like I was... alone, confused, pitiful, and ready to accept the worst about yourself and other people. I may not leave you with these scars on your little face, but I will make you so wretched that you'll never want to be in public without covering yourself in shame."

- I know what they're going for here -- Kane is a monster heel and you're supposed to fear for Molly's well-being -- but why should we be worried about her any more than usual? So Kane's big and unstable -- so was Rhyno, and she beat him. I mean, there's still two weeks to really hammer home how dead she is, so I'm not worried or anything, but right now, it's missing that extra impact to get it over the top. And before Troy says anything, I should note that not once did the announcers mention Molly's past -- it was all about Kane being a psycho monster.

- Joey Matthews v. Booker T. Booker gets a monster pop in WCW-land. Joey attacks before the bell, getting a forearm to the throat and leaning on it against the ropes. Booker fights out, but Joey calmly chokes him down. Elbowdrop gets two. Booker powers up off a turnbuckle smash as the announcers reference Junkyard Dog, and Booker chops the living heck out of Joey. Bodyslam and tiptoe kneedrop get two. Joey goes low to stem the tide, and a headscissors eats some time. Jackie helps, of course. Jackie claws at Booker's eyes as Joey distracts the ref, and Joey gets a missile dropkick for two. Things decidedly look bad. Frankensteiner gets two. DDT gets two. Blind charge misses, and a leg lariat by Booker leads to a Double KO. Booker SPINAROONIES~! out of it for old-times' sake, and the Book End and Houston Hangover finish at 7:22. Served its purpose. *3/4 Booker does a second spinaroonie to celebrate.

- The following preview has been approved for all audiences by World Wrestling Entertainment, Inc.

Arthurian music plays as a half-dozen men are seen riding in the distance... sort of. They're skip-walking, while a few others behind them follow, carrying packs and banging objects together as the sound of horse hoofs echoes. The band approaches a castle, where we see that the "riders" are (left to right) Chris Matthews, Joey Matthews, Sting, Chris Harris, Booker T, and Scott Hall. The pack carriers are actually banging together -- you guessed it -- hollowed-out coconut halves. Sting signals for a halt, and everyone stops. A coconut guy in the back puts his coconuts aside and blows a horn as the music stops.

Sting: "Hallo!"

Nothing.

Sting: "Hallo up there!"

A man peeks from behind a stone rampart at the top of the castle. He speaks with an overblown French accent, even by WWE standards.

Man: "Allo! Who ees eet?"

Sting: "It is I, Sting Arthur, and these are my Knights of the Tag Team Table. Whose castle is this?"

Man: "Zis is zee castle of mah tag-tim partnere, Sylvan de Grenier."

Sting: "Will you tell your partner that we have been charged by Vince McMahon with a sacred quest. If he will give us food and shelter for the night, he can join us as we continue our quest for the Tag Team Gold here at WrestleMania."

We get a close-up of the guard, and indeed, it is...

Dupree: "Well, Ah'll ask heem, but Ah don't theenk he'll be verra keen... ah, he's alreadee got one, you see?"

Sting: "What?"

Harris (to Sting): "He says they've already got one."

Sting: "Are you SURE he's got one?"

Dupree: "Oh yez, it's verra nahs." (We cut to behind the ramparts, where Sylvain Grenier and Lucille LaChienne are hiding. Dupree says as an aside to them...) "Ah told them we alreadee got one." (They giggle mischievously.)

Sting: "Well, um... can we come up and have a title match?"

Dupree: "Of carce not! You are Americain typse."

Sting: "W--well what are you then?"

Dupree: "Ahm French! Why do yoo think I hav this outrageous accent, yoo silly Sting?"

Harris: "What are you doing at WrestleMania?"

Dupree: "Mahnd yer own bizniz!"

Sting: "Well, if you will not show us the Titles, we will take this castle by force!"

Dupree: "Yoo don't fratten us, Americain pig-dogs! Go and boil your bottoms, you empty-headed animal-food-trough waterr. Your valet is a hamster, and your trainer smels of elderberries. I....... fart in your general direction, so called Arthur-Sting. You and all your stupid Americain wrrrrrrrrrrrest-lers!" (Note: in the word "Wrestlers", Dupree pronounces all the letters, so it sounds like whirrrrrr-es-tuh-lers.)

Dupree sticks his tongue out and gives the group below a raspberry.

Harris (to Sting): "What a strange person."

WRESTLEMANIA GOES HOLLYWOOD! Live, Sunday April 3rd, only on Pay-Per-View!

Sting: "Now, I've been more than reasonable..."

Dupree (to Grenier): "Fetch-ez la vache."

Grenier: "Quoi?"

Dupree: "Fetch-ez la vache."

Sting: "If you do not agree to my demands, then I will have to..."

The sound of a giant spring uncoiling is heard to indicate a catapult being activated. A loud mooooooooooo can be heard. The knights' eyes all go wide.

Sting: "RUN AWAY!"

All knights: "Run away! Run away!"

They scatter in many directions as the moo gets closer to the camera view. Finally, Viscera splats on the ground, the source of the moo, as the French can be heard laughing in the background. Viscera slowly gets up.

Viscera: "The things I do to get to WrestleMania..."

- Wow, that scene translated better than I thought it would. Funny stuff. The only downside is it gives away the nature of the tag match at WM21, but we were building to a four-way anyway, so no loss. Still, woulda been better if they waited till it was official.

- World Tag Team titles: La Résistance v. TJ Wilson and Test. Sorry, guys, but after a promo like that, you're losing. Wilson opens fire on Grenier, hitting a back elbow and German suplex for two. Dupree enters and gets slammed down, and Wilson bodypresses them both. Still, not even the awesome that is TJ Wilson is enough, and a cheapshot from Lucille makes him YOUR blue-chipper-in-peril. Dupree gets a back suplex and swinging neckbreaker for two. La Res with the Rougeau Kick, and Grenier with a suplex for two. They up the Frenchness with Le Bombe Des Rougeaus (Le Touer, Cannonball, whatever) for two. Dupree gets a spinebuster and THE EXTREMELY FRENCH PEOPLE'S ELBOW~! for two. Grenier tries a piledriver, but Wilson reverses to the old-school Kryptonite Krunch (damn!) to get out. Standing Overcastle to Dupree when he tries to cut off the tag (erk!), and hot tag Test. Everyon gets pounded in very nasty ways, but the Boot gets him crotched on the ropes. Au Revoir finishes at 8:32. Doesn't TJ know he's supposed to be cannon fodder? *3/4

- Shane keeps walking around backstage, finally accepting directions from a random security guard... who leads him right into a headlock from Storm. Storm bitches him out while in the headlock, saying Shane thinks he's all tough cuz he cheated to win at KotR and won in a tag last week and so on, but he'll NEVER do it at WrestleMania. Title's on the line, and IT'S ON! Only Storm could make a headlock enthralling.

- Chris Nowinski and Lucille LaChienne v. Alexis Laree and Johnny LeRoux. The women start, and Lucille gets an armdrag and wrenches the arm. Laree handstands out and scores a dropkick, and the men come in and slug it out. Nowinski gets a DDT for two, but a blind charge misses and LeRoux gets the split punches. LeRoux with a Flatliner for two, but Lucille goes low and Nowinski gets a Flair Pin for two. Laree charges in, and everyone pairs off. Lucille gets a rollup with the tights for the pin at 3:50. This was there. *1/2 BUT WAIT! Finally, a point to all the tag stuff, as Lucille double-teams Laree with Jackie Gayda until Stacy makes the save. Sting helps Laree to the back. Hmmmm.

- Rock. Coach. The usual. Randy Orton's our subject.

- Main event: Chris Jericho and Shawn Michaels v. Chris Benoit and Randy Orton. Jericho and Benoit start, and Jericho wins a chopping battle and hiptosses Benoit. Orton runs over Jericho, drawing in Michaels to counter with a headlock takeover and punches to the head. Benoit grabs Michaels and throws him into the corner, but Jericho gets a springboard clothesline on a charging Benoit. Michaels catches Orton in a Hotshot, and Jericho morphs into Marty Jannetty as it's 1990 and the Rockers double-teams abound. Double hiptoss! Double elbow! Double kip-up! Double plancha! YOU WANT ALL THIS! Jericho tosses Orton in, then fakes him out and hits a quebrada on Benoit as Michaels enters with a bodypress on Orton instead for two. Orton tries an RKO, but Michaels shoves him into the ropes and follows with a flying jalapeño. Jericho in, and he gets a facejam and tries the Lionsault... but right next to Benoit's corner, so Benoit grabs him and uses his momentum to FLING him over the top. However, Jericho skins the cat back in, but that's enough stalling for Orton to spear him down. Benoit in, and he gets a snap suplex and legdrop for two. Orton returns and hits a leglock as we go to break. Back in, and Orton kicks at Jericho's knee and switches off. Benoit with a half-crab, which he turns into an STF, and when Jericho fights for the ropes, Benoit calmly makes it a cradle for two. Orton with a basement dropkick and HE applies the half-crab, complete with requisite cheating from Benoit and a switch-off after Michaels yells at the ref. Benoit grabs Jericho in Stretch Muffler, but Michaels has had enough and superkicks Benoit. Jericho crawls over as Benoit tries to stop him... and Orton distracts the ref, so Michaels has to go back. And as he does, Benoit gets a dragon screw on Jericho and Orton applies the figure-four. With help from the ropes, Benoit, and probably a tow truck hooked up via a 500-foot extension cord. JR is basically declaring Jericho will need an amputation after the match. Ref forces a break after one cheat too many, and Orton brings Benoit in for the swandive, which gets two. Benoit kicks at the leg again and switches to an anklelock just to vary the awesome, and Jericho nearly passes out before getting an enzuigiri. Orton tries to cut the tag off, but Jericho sends him flying out of the ring. Unfortunately, Benoit recovers JUST in time to pull Jericho back, and Orton nails a shinbreaker to immobilize Jericho. It's RKO time, but Jericho blocks and Orton jams his spine on the mat. Jericho gets a Hennig neck snap and has a head start on the tag... but Benoit pulls him back. The heels switch off, and it's Sharpshooter time. Jericho is DEAD, but Michaels comes to the rescue and DDTs Benoit, allowing Jericho to reverse! Crowd is ballistic. So Orton comes in and hits a Play of the Day on Jericho, and Benoit reverses back. Orton then gets in Jericho's face to brag, being a right proper dick, but that's a mistake because Hebner chases him to the corner and misses Jericho tapping. Michaels then physically pulls Jericho to the ropes for the break. Benoit argues the tapout, and in doing so doesn't realize Jericho is crawling to his corner until it's too late. Whoops. Hiptoss! Hiptoss! Whipped together and RELEASE GERMAN SUPLEX~! He's a house of fire! Orton gets sent to the outside, but Benoit catches Michaels with the Rolling Germans. He goes up top, but the headbutt misses, so Michaels heads up and nails the big elbow for two. Orton returns, and the two double-team Michaels as the ref is occupied with Jericho. Michaels is tossed and Benoit follows with a tope suicida, so Orton charges... and the Rock emerges OUT OF NOWHERE to catch him with ROCK BOTTOM! ROCK BOTTOM! ROCK BOTTOM! He leaves, and Jericho drags his leg into the ring and flops onto Orton for the pin at 28:48. Man, stick a clean ending on that and it's the best match in RAW's brand extension history. Still, a PPV-quality match and the best pure tag match since Kidman/Rey v. WGTT at Vengeance. ****1/2

The Bottom Line:

Three more weeks til WrestleMania, and the Benoit/Jericho/Michaels throwdown of a lifetime. Benoit can go, and Jericho can go, and when SHAWN MICHAELS is your weak link, you know the goods will be brought. RAW is totally being carried by those three right now, and it's to the point where they risk drowning out the rest of RAW's undercard.

Yeah, like I care.

[Kwanzabot]

Marks out for Monty Python!

Great show, even without the hype, I would have kept my eye out for Mania' but this is truly great stuff.

[Steve Corino]

Virch is right; that scene came off WAY better than it had any right to. Though honestly, I got about halfway down through it and thought "Wait....Sting Arthur? OOOHHH!"

Damn my brain.

[Troy Maskell]

For the five people who e-mailed me. I'll give the quick ratings for last weeks Raw before we start this week.

Opening Six Man *1/2 - Because Benoit is of course God. By the way Scott it's next week and I still haven't figured it out yet

Angle V Nowinski  * - So I'm confused. You job out Kurt at No Way Out to Eric. Send him to Raw and then use him as a stepping stone to push the Nowinski-LeRoux fued that will SET THE WORLD ON FIRE BAYBEE! What's the point?

Laree V Lucille * - Nothing says Jobber like having a fellow Jobber save you. Unless it's the referee.

Second Six Person  DUD - Who in the hell thought it'd be a good idea to put Jackie Gayda back in the ring? At least they put her in something she was good at.

Jericho V Kane ** - As Scott said, Perfectly Acceptable Wrestling. I fail to see the point of jobbing Kane if you're building him up as this monster heel though

RNN - Rock brings Ratings as usual but make no mistake. Orton CARRIED this segment. He had to come out with justification to make the challenge and he made you believe he hated Rock. I just hope the WWE does the right thing and Rock does use his legacy to put Orton over.

[The Third Dukes]

The point of the six-man was to set up Storm/Shane at WM21 by having Shane pin Storm. Sorry if I didn't get that across.

*****

- The SmarKDown! Rant for Mar. 17 / 05, taped Mar. 15.

- From Savannah, GA.

- Your hosts are Michael Cole (your leprechaun) and Jim Cornette (your pot of gold).

- Opening match: Nathan Jones and Kenzo Suzuki v. Nick Mondo and Konnan. Who did Mondo piss off to wind up in this black hole of suck? Kenzo and Mondo start, and Mondo wins a chop battle and gets a clothesline. Tilt-a-whirl slam and legdrop gets two before Nathan kicks his head off (not literally) and Kenzo gets a knee to the face to take over. Kenzo with a back suplex for two. Nathan in, and Kenzo flings Mondo at him so Nathan can punch him out of midair for two. Nice. Big boot gets two. Mondo fights off a blind charge and gets M.Bison, hot tag Konnan. He goes through the usual on Kenzo, but the Tequila Sunrise is stopped when Nathan kicks his head in. More abuse of Konnan before the PUNT finishes at 6:45. Whatever. 1/2* Mondo finds a kendo stick and doles out abuse with it, though sadly not to Konnan.

- Edge addresses the crowd. He says that even though he won last week, he felt disappointed. He knows he has to up his game, and that Matt Hardy will be almost impossible to beat if he doesn't. But Edge has persevered before in the Rumble, and this time he will do it again. He's come too far not to win, sez he. Matt Hardy interrupts and tells of how this isn't a story, this is actual competition. Irony can be so darned ironic sometimes. Matt says he beat Eddie Guerrero twice when people were betting against him, and he'll beat Edge when people bet against him. He then notes people are calling Rob Conway the next big thing after that six-man, so he'll put Rob in his place tonight. Matt's title reign has gone nowhere and it might as well end now.

- Pain and Suffering v. Billy Kidman and Ron Killings. No, I don't know who Pain and Suffering are, so stop asking, okay? Kidman starts with Pain and tackles him down, ripping at the mask in an attempt to see if that'll deprogram these guys. Suffering tries to toss Kidman, but Killings enters and gets a DDT and neckbreaker. On the outside, Kidman races over to the Creature of the Night in an attempt to yank off the NECKLACE OF DOOM, but Pain intercepts. Nice continuity. In the ring, Killings tries a Kru Kutter, but Suffering shoves him off into a boot from Pain. Pain gets a CLUBBERIN, THEY BE CLUBBERIN on Killings, and a double slam gets two. Suffering with a shoulderblock and more generic big guy offense before Killings slides under him and gets a crossbody and clothesline on a charging Pain. Hot tag Kidman, who knocks over both men and pounds away. Killings gets a Cactus Jack sunset flip for two on Pain, who tries the pumphandle Tombstone, but Kidman dropkicks the pile over for two. Suffering charges, but the flunkies collide and Kidman gets the Unprettier on Suffering to win at 6:34. Of course the faces carried it. *1/2 Undertaker shows up fashionably late and beats Kidman into a pulp. Good for him.

- Backstage:

Stephanie: "Guys, I can't thank you enough. You've done everything to help me out, you've been there for me... I just want to forget about them. It was the worst week of my life."

Simmons: "Hey, our pleasure, ma'am. 'Sides, any excuse to go whup that Bradshaw's ass is fine with me."

RVD: "Yeah, those guys need to pay for what they did, man. We're just the guys to do it."

Stephanie: "Well, I, uh... I don't wanna keep you from anything bigger. I mean, Ron, you are the US champion, and Rob, you are... well, you're Rob - Van - Dam and all..."

Hurricane: "Cease, Citizen Stephanie! A wrong was committed, and it's our goal to right it! The first step was last week in recovering you from that evil cult. And at WrestleMania, we finish the job -- with punishment for the wicked. That is the code of the Hurricane -- that evildoers face the music and suffer the consequences."

Pause.

RVD: "Yeah, what he said."

Stephanie: "Well, if you're sure..."

Simmons: "Hey, Steph... we believe in you, alright? We chose to work with you. We like you. What's wrong with wanting to defend your honor?"

Stephanie: "You're... you're not just doing this cuz I'm Vince's kid, are you?"

All three: "No, no, no..."

RVD: "Steph, we're not being a bunch of political phonies, man. C'mon... I'm Rob - Van - Dam. You know me better than that."

Simmons: "Yeah, and as long as I got this belt here, I'm set!"

Stephanie: "Well, thanks guys. Oh, and next time you see him, Hurricane, could you tell Gregory Helms I didn't believe he was in the RTC for a second?"

Hurricane: "Consider it done."

She walks off. Simmons follows her, almost acting as a bodyguard.

Hurricane: "Poor girl. She'll never trust anyone again after..."

RVD: "Hey, don't worry about that. We gotta worry about the R - T - C."

Hurricane: "Right on! To the training ground!"

- It's always fun when Vince takes potshots at people without being able to name names, and in this case because it's HHH, it's even cooler.

- Shannon Moore v. Maven. Evan Karagias is at ringside while Rob Conway isn't, since he has a match later. Cole openly wonders if the Matt/Conway match is a way to get Shannon a win. Anyway, Maven tosses Shannon around and hits the DROPKICK OF DOOM early. Evan trips Maven up, and Shannon gets a headscissors and some choking. Maven bails, so Shannon hits a pescado as the crowd now starts cheering for HIM. Dropkick and missile dropkick gets two. Twist of Fate gets two. Crowd doesn't like that. Shannon goes up top, but Maven knocks him off. Shannon recovers with an armdrag, but Evan tries to cheat and screws up, tripping Shannon. Maven rolls Shannon up for the pin at 5:17. I, uh, yeah. *

- Paul Heyman heads out to talk up his newest acquisition Fujita and claims no one can beat him. So Scott Colt (?!?) challenges, which has Heyman confused. Colt just wants to prove he's still DA material, he sez. So we get...

- Cruiserweight Title: Minoru Fujita v. Scott Colt. Long headlock battle starts, as Colt works it for a minute or so before Fujita finally flips out and gets a shot to the face. Fujita kicks like a mofo, backing Colt into the corner, and delivers the roaring elbow. Colt bails and consults Heyman, who quickly begs off (trying to stay neutral), so Fujita hits Colt with a tope suicida. Back in, Fujita messes up Colt with chops and gets a German suplex for two. He goes for the Fujita Driver, but Colt gets an armdrag out of it for two. He chops away on Fujita and gets a backbreaker for two. Slingshot legdrop gets two. Colt gets his own German suplex and goes up, hitting a crossbody for two. Colt tosses Fujita, who also scurries to Heyman, and again Heyman backs off. Fujita, though, doesn't quite get the message, meaning Colt's follow-up springboard plancha wipes out both him AND Heyman. Uh oh. Colt quickly panics and helps Heyman up, but Fujita uses the distraction to club Colt upside the head a few times. In the right, he tries a Northern Lights suplex, but Colt gets a leaping DDT for two. Heyman seems completely disoriented on the outside. Colt fires off some forearms and heads to the apron for the slingshot legdrop, but sees Heyman is out of sorts and stalls, allowing Fujita to pop up and get an outside-in suplex with cradle for the pin at 9:53. Colt's got no one but himself to blame there. Bitchin' match. ***1/2 Heyman gives Colt a vote of confidence after the match, but Colt still walks back with his head down. Jobbing will do that to a man.

- Can I really emphasize enough how funny the Monty Python skit is?

- WWE Title: Matt Hardy v. Rob Conway. Hardy lies down for Conway to start, but instead of just covering him, Conway kicks him to roll him over and gets La Majistral for one. Matt punches down Conway for that little bit of uppity behavior and tries a gutwrench suplex, but Conway simply lands behind Matt and gets a backslide for one. Matt chuckles and locks up, then tosses Conway to the outside. He follows and goes for the steps, but Conway jumps onto them and moonsault presses Matt instead. Matt's facials are great here. Conway re-enters and drops Matt on the top rope, then slingshots him in. Belly-to-belly sets up the CLAWHOLD~!, but Matt blocks it and gets a judo throw instead. Bossman slam gets two. Twist of Fate try, but Conway shoves off and gets a hiptoss. He goes up, but Matt stops him and gets a superplex for two. Ctrl/Alt/Del gets two. Conway avoids a fistdrop, which Matt basically no-sells, and gets an enzuigiri. He goes up, but the Mile High Moonsault hits the knees. Twist of Fate finishes for real at 7:25. Damn, Conway is one tough son of a gun. ***1/4

- Main event: Kurt Angle and Brock Lesnar v. Eddie Guerrero and Rey Misterio. Huge war to start, as Rey circles Brock like a plane around King Kong and Eddie flips Angle around. Eddie gets a back elbow on Angle while Rey gets an armdrag, sending Brock straight into a rana from Eddie. Both men bail, so Eddie hits a pescado onto both men, then Rey ups the awesome with a somersault corkscrew plancha onto the pile. Sheeit. Back in, Eddie chops away on Brock, but gets reversed on a whip and sent into an overhead suplex. Angle gets one as well. Angle works the leg now, holding a kneebar as Eddie tries to reverse. Angle with a German suplex for two. Brock in, and he gets a Steinerline and Stretch Muffler on Eddie. He switches to a half-crab, but Eddie escapes and tries a rana, only to be powerbombed a few times for two. Angle returns and gets the rolling Germans, then goes up for the moonsault. Of course it misses. Brock cuts off the hot tag, though, and the pain continues. Brainbuster gets two. DDT gets two. Angle and Brock do the Pop-Up Superplex for two. Eddie manages a DDT out of nowhere and tries for the hot tag, but Brock distracts the ref and it doesn't count. In the chaos, Brock waffles Eddie with a chair and Angle gets the pin at 10:22.

- BUT WAIT! Roddy Piper emerges and tells the ref of shenanigans, and he restarts the match. Angle gets two this time. He goes to a spinning toe hold, but Eddie makes the ropes. Angle dumps Eddie, so Brock tosses him into the STEEL steps and Eddie blades. Back in, Brock calmly tags in and gets a press slam for two. He wraps Eddie's leg around the post, and back in, he flings Eddie leg-first for two. Angle goes for the Anklelock, which should by all rights finish Eddie, but Eddie's already in the ropes. Angle won't let go as Eddie tries to crawl out of the ring, so Rey enters and hits the 6-1-9 to Kurt in a spot so out-of-nowhere you almost had to see it to believe it. Rey races over to his corner as Eddie crawls back into the ring, but Angle's attempt at an Angle Slam, only flings Eddie straight into the corner. Hot tag Rey, who gets a springboard rana on Angle and a headscissors on Brock. Crossbody onto both men follows, and Angle gets hiptossed into the 6-1-9 position. Rey goes for it, but Charlie Haas appears out of nowhere and stops his momentum. Piper tries to eject Haas, but Eddie dives off the apron onto him instead. Brock gets an F-5 on Rey, but that also bumps the ref. Now Shelton Benjamin charges in and gets a T-Bone on Rey while Haas rolls in Eddie, but Brock's grab at Eddie opens him up for Tajiri to come out of nowhere and mist him. Ultimo Dragon completes the cavalcade by hitting the Asai DDT on Angle, and Rey is put on top as the ref revives, but Shelton knocks him back out again and all hell breaks loose at 20:00 or so. Not as good as RAW's effort, but it wasn't going to be due to the chaos. ***1/2 Piper has had enough, of course, and after he manages to calm everyone down...

Piper: "Okay, that does it. As far as I see here, none o' you guys care much about anything but the titles, right? Over here, we got Team JAPAN, the champions. Over here, we have Rey Misterio and Eddie Guerrero, who because they were not beaten should be #1 contenders, right? Well, I see something else. I see a pair of flunkies over here who want Kurt Angle and Brock Lesnar to be champs, and I see a pair of tough bastards who dominated the match.

Now, because there was no winner tonight, you could say there's no #1 contender; or you could say Eddie and Rey Rey here are still it; or you could ask for a rematch. But I'm Roddy Piper, and I never thought much for convention. Right now, you got four teams who can tear the damn house down, and no one team deserving more than anyone else.

And yes, I include you, Charlie and Shelton. I've been watching these past few weeks, and lemme tell ya what I saw. I saw Eddie here steal the pin to become the #1 contender, and then I saw Kurt over here try to steal it back, and you guys never got a fair shake out of it. But of course, we wouldn't want you to try to one-up your friends here, would we?

Hell yes we would!

And it's for that reason that I'm deciding all o' ya oughta get into one ring and fight it out till someone stands above the rest. Stands way above the rest. Stands atop a catwalk on top of a steel structure as everyone else lies below. That's right, I'm talking climb, walk, and grab, and it ain't just some Army obstacle course.

April 3rd, WrestleMania, we're having Team JAPAN, Team Angle, World's Greatest, and Team Mexico here, and we're putting them all inside the only type of match that can promise the excitement, the skill, the brutality, the chaos necessary to have a winner. We're going back to the well, baby! SuperCage II!"

The Bottom Line:

Three ***+ matches make this an automatic awesome show, plus the announcement of the return of my favorite car wreck is always a plus. I wouldn't have minded if they went TLC instead, but SuperCage last year was a fun ride. My one concern is Brock and Kurt, who don't seem to fit with everyone else. I mean, I'm sure Kurt will adjust, but can Brock? Here's hoping.

Man, with Matt/Edge, Benoit/Michaels/Jericho, SuperCage, and Rock/Orton, this is shaping up to be one hell of a show, ain't it?

[Guest peter]

B) Did I call the supercage 2 or what

[deanitude]

-Basks In The Glory Of Coming Up With SuperCage II For Dukes-

And yeah Brock doesn't fit in there... but he's a hoss... I'm sure he can help with some pretty awesome highspots in the match... I call F5 from the top... that would be highlight of my year...

Rock/Orton has definitive potential to push Orton over the edge to World Title reign status... here's hoping.

Benoit will win... cos he just... is Benoit... nuff said.

Molly/Kane... who ordered the Burning Hammer through the ring on Molly... oh right... that would be me.

[GCCWolverine]

Well, you always have the Shooting Brock Press off the top...

Or another Kidman Phoenix from the top of the Cell...

Edited April 20, 2005 by GCCWolverine

[oldskool]

Or the 450 Frog Splash, AKA Viva Guerrero~!

[Blehschmidt]

As always, last couple shows have been awesome.

I can't wait for Mania, as it is shaping up to be AWESOME!!!

SuperCage will undoubtedly rule again this year.

Just out of curiosity....is Wrestlemania the end for the diary?

[Steve Corino]

It would go into another topic, perhaps. Seeing how this one is the 2004-05.

[Ace]

Yeah good choice there Deanitude for Super Cage 2 for the SD! High Flyers meanwhile back on Raw mine was a lot harder to decide.

But that I did.

And even if it won't beat Dean's match It should be good.

[The Third Dukes]

Stay tuned after this show for some questions about the BVS's future.

*****

- The SmarK RAW Rant for Mar. 21 / 05.

- Live from Birmingham, AL.

- Your hosts are Jim Ross and DDP.

- RNN! Orton declares his incredible distaste for Alabama, claiming it's people like them who flock to Rock movies and make him the sham he is today. Gotta agree with Troy on something -- I know, stop the presses -- in that Orton's give-and-take with Rock may be the best promo work he's ever done. He's my vote for Most Improved if he holds out. His guest is Shawn Michaels, which is always grounds for amusement, I'm sure. Orton questions Michaels' role in the tag match the previous week, noting that Jericho took the whole beating and Michaels stood on the apron looking pretty or something. Not his real words, but I SO wish they were. Michaels points out that he doesn't need Orton's approval to be in the World title match, and hey, he took a 20-minute asskicking at Armageddon and won, and oh yeah, who was the opponent again? Orton is pissed and calls Michaels part of "that" school of though that thinks Rocky must be a good wrestler cuz he used to be champ. Michaels actually starts to defend him when DAVID FLAIR of all people races in and starts an Evolution beatdown. Orton then tells Michaels that he'll be going against Flair and Orton tonight in a handicap match as punishment for being a jerk. Smart booking, weird segment.

- Meanwhile, back at the ranch...

Molly Holly is backstage when there's a knock on her door.

Molly: "Who is it?"

Christian's voice: "Your good friend."

Molly drops everything and races to the door. She opens it, and indeed, we see Christian standing behind the door.

Christian: "Hey, Molly."

Molly: "Hi! How are you? You getting any better? I hope that you--"

Christian: "Whoa, whoa, slow down! First things first... these."

He produces a bouquet from behind his back.

Christian: "Beautiful flowers for a beautiful girl like you."

Molly: "Wh-- why thank you! Oh, I don't know where to put them right now. I gotta find a vase or something. Well, that can wait. How do I look?"

Christian: "Stunning, of course."

Molly (suddenly more serious): "You're just saying that."

Christian: "Wha? Why do y--"

Molly: "Christian, you're a great guy and all... but I mean, you... you don't need to get me to like you for you to move on."

Christian: "Me? Move on? You're the one who wanted to fight men because of something that'll never happen again! You're the one putting your livelihood on the line at WrestleMania -- for what?"

Molly: "Christian, wait! He was going to hurt you. I... I don't want to do it, but I don't need you to fight for me, okay?"

Christian: "Whoa, where'd that come from?"

Molly: "You... I... I don't know. I'm sorry. I just... I feel like I don't know what I am."

Christian: "You... how?"

Molly: "I've spent all this time wanting to fight this... feeling, almost. And now... it's over. What am I now?"

Christian: "You're Molly Holly. You're a wonderful person. You're a great wrestler. You're a WWE Diva and superstar. And most importantly... you're my favorite person."

He goes to embrace her, but she scurries away.

Molly: "No! Christian, please, I don't like you like that. You're a good friend, but... I don't think it's right for me to... I couldn't... I... I'm sorry."

Christian: "Yeah, I understand... no, no I don't. Molly, you got a lot of thinking to do. Keep the flowers... maybe they'll give you a clue."

Christian walks out. Molly thinks of following, but doesn't. She turns to the flowers, but as we pan over, Tracy is holding them.

Tracy: "I saw the whole thing. You're fooling yourself."

Molly: "What do you mean?"

Tracy: "I saw how your face lit up when you heard his voice. I heard how you started babbling when he came in. Molly, these are all things Trish did with her boyfriend!"

Molly: "But we... I... I couldn't. Not after..."

Tracy: "Molly -- the only person stopping you is you. C'mon... Trish is wrestling. Let's go watch."

- See? Canadians know all about romance.

- Trish Stratus v. Jackie Gayda. Molly and Tracy watch from the ramp, but they see nothing because Kane enters from the crowd and destroys both women anyway. Good for him. He then takes the mic and promises hell for Molly at WrestleMania. The usual psycho monster stuff. He then sets his pyro off RIGHT BEHIND MOLLY AND TRACY, nearly catching Tracy inside it and setting her clothing on fire. Gives new meaning to "hot pants", doesn't it? Molly quickly grabs the nearest fire extinguisher and blasts Tracy with it to put her out, and sadly Tracy is okay. Kane races up the ramp -- well, relatively speaking -- as the girls flee for their lives. For those wondering how Tracy had the guts to do a fire stunt, I merely reply that she's Canadian.

- MONTY PYTHON EXPLODES~!: La Résistance and the Matthews Family v. Sting Arthur, Sir Harrimir, Sir Drinksalot, and Sir Suckahad. Just showing that everyone's in the spirit of things, the faces stand on the entrance and yell "CHARGE" before clearing the ring as the heels scream "RUN AWAY!" Of course, they think better of it and sneak attack as the faces laugh. Dupree and Grenier get a double suplex on Harris as Booker beats up Joey. Hall toys around with Chris, getting a slam and slapping the face a little. Eventually the ref calms things down as Sting and Joey start. Sting controls with a headlock, and that leads to a shoulderblock and everyone getting back involved. We calm down with Lucille tripping Booker, who argues like an idiot and is rolled up by Dupree for two. Rougeau Kick gets two. Grenier with a snapmare and he works the back. Joey and Chris get a double DDT for two. Grenier assists Joey with Le Bombe De Rougeau for two. JR says that move is known as the Bastille Bomb, which is a nice name. Chris with a diving headscissors for two. Double clothesline gets two. Dupree with a slam and THE EXTREMELY FRENCH PEOPLE'S ELBOW for two. Grenier blows a diving shoulderblock, hot tag Sting. Slams for everyone! The faces storm en masse and pile the heels in the corner, and it's a Stinger Splash for four, thank you. Lucille tries to get involved, Stacy initiates the catfight, and in the chaos Booker gets the Book End to Joey, spinaroonie, and an Axe Kick to Grenier ends it at 8:00. Just non-stop wrestling, bell to bell. **1/2 A HUGE brawl erupts and La Res corner Stacy, but Alexis Laree emerges to kick righteous ass. Eventually, Eric Bischoff calls everyone into his office, STAT.

- The following preview has been approved for all audiences by World Wrestling Entertainment...

The scene is a diner. Ron Simmons is seated on one side of a booth, hunched over and confused. Rob Van Dam and Hurricane, dressed like Jay and Silent Bob (respectively, although Hurricane still wears his mask), are on the other side.

Simmons: "I mean, I was okay when it was just you guys -- that I could handle. But throw in DX, and the Regime and all that... I mean, what's a guy to think right now?"

RVD: "You think good, because she's gonna stay by your side, man. She's tried everything, and she's settling for your boring, card-playing ass."

Simmons: "Settling. Yeah, thanks, Rob."

RVD: "It's why I'm here."

Simmons: "It's just that the more I really like having her there and I just need to get these visuals out of my head. I mean, it's not just managerial stuff. I see retirement. I see her helping me train new wrestlers..."

RVD: "Whoa, slow down, you're scaring me."

Simmons: "I scare myself! Damn. I don't know what I'm doing."

Hurricane: "You're chasing Molly."

Simmons: "What?"

RVD: "Ignore him, man. He thinks that because he drops the act it's all serious and gonna have an impact."

Hurricane: "Would you take this seriously for once? See, years ago I was working with Molly as my manager."

RVD: "Lemme guess, on RAW? How come you never bring this stuff up?"

Hurricane: "What you don't know about me could fill the Grand Canyon, Rob. Did you know I used to have dancers with me in the ring?"

RVD: "Look, just tell the story."

Hurricane: "All right. So I'm with Molly, and we're riding high, having the time of our lives. And then about four months in, I ask her about her former clients. Stupid, I know, but you know how it is; you'd rather not care, but you gotta find out. And she starts talking about Randy Savage -- how they worked together, her mom hated him, blah blah blah -- that's it, right? Well, then I find out he brought other managers in with him -- and that just floors me. I never considered it.

So I get weirded out and just start yelling, right? Saying some un-hero-like things, anyway. I'm out for blood, you know? Just asking what she was thinking, and she tells me it was 2000, and WCW, and she doesn't regret it, and it's over. Well, I'm still mad, so I blow her off and tell her to be her own woman."

RVD: "That's the way, man."

Hurricane: "No, idiot. It was a mistake. I wasn't mad at her, I was afraid. At that moment, I felt small - like I'd lacked main events, like I'd never be on his level or never be enough for her or something. And what I didn't get was that she didn't care. She wasn't looking for Randy Savage anymore. She was looking for me. But by the time I realized this, it was too late, you know. She'd moved on, and all I had to show for it was some foolish pride, which then gave way to regret. She was my sidekick, I know that now. But I pushed her away... so I've spent every day since then chasing Molly... in my own way."

Simmons: "Damn."

WRESTLEMANIA GOES HOLLYWOOD! Live, Sunday April 3rd, only on Pay-Per-View!

- Gregory Helms has acting chops? Who knew?

- So back in the office, Eric Bischoff says he's decided to settle two title issues at once. He books Sting/Harris/Laree v. La Résistance/Lucille v. Booker/Hall/Stacy v. Matthewses/Jackie. Elimination rules, winning team gets BOTH titles. Well, it's a good way to disguise the crap that is the Women's Division, at any rate.

- Chris Nowinski v. Johnny LeRoux. LeRoux starts off with a hiptoss and lariat, then gets the split punches in the corner and a Russian legsweep. Nowinski bails, so LeRoux follows with a baseball slide. Back in, LeRoux with a springboard clothesline... but he runs straight into brass knuckles for the DQ at 1:25. I guess they're running short on time here.

- Molly sits alone in her dressing room, talking to herself in a full-length mirror and trying to sort things out. But she must have situational ADD or something, because she jumps from Christian to Tracy to Kane quickly before settling there. She agrees that if this is her last fight, she's going to make it worthwhile. She needs to slay the beast... but then she "sees" Kane's reflection in the mirror and freaks out, turning around... only he's not there. Thankfully, we don't see Kane's reflection, nor does anyone else, or else WCW 1998 flashbacks would have been coming. And that's another month of Steamboat therapy for me if that happens.

- WARNING: You are now entering the Zone of Awesome.

- Chris Benoit and Michael Shane v. THE THRILLSEEKERS~! See? Faces put on stereo headlocks to start -- too funny -- but Evolution runs them together and tries for German suplexes. Benoit gets his, but Storm blocks his and gets a rollup for two. Benoit tries to attack Storm, but Jericho catches him and it's a triple rolling German spot. Jericho, of course, gets chased as the heels switch off, so Storm gets to play Ricky Morton. Shane applies his own headlock and taunts Storm, so Benoit comes in and gets a neckbreaker for two. The neckwork continues with a front facelock and twist, but Storm gets to his feet only to have Benoit get a swinging neckbreaker. Shane in with a springboard Tornado DDT from Japan for two. Benoit returns with a nasty release German suplex for two. Shane comes in with a headscissors and holds them on as we take a break. We come back with Evolution hitting a Star-Spangled Blaster for two. Shane goes up top, but the Picture Perfect Elbow misses. Benoit can't cut off the hot tag in time, and in comes Jericho with all his offense. Facejam gets two. Springboard dropkick sends Benoit flying, and after Storm follows, Shane hits a plancha onto them, so Jericho goes for the quebrada onto the pile. Back in, Jericho hits the rolling Germans on Benoit, just to be a dick, then goes for the Lionsault but misses. Diving headbutt misses too, and it's a double KO. Storm returns, but Shane cuts him off with a DDT for two. Jericho suplexes Shane and hits the Breakdown for two. Benoit gets the Stroke for two (which is one of JERICHO's moves) and tries the Walls, but Storm superkicks Benoit. Shane enters, but he gets ties up in the Sharpshooter, and Jericho adds a Crossface for good measure for the tapout at 17:44. Beautiful. ***3/4

- Rock prepares to go through his to-do list (1. Insult Coach; 2. Insult Orton; 3. Acknowledge his People...) when Bischoff stops him. Bischoff brags that Rock isn't the only one who can make stips for WrestleMania. So in addition to no-DQ, no-CO, and no-time-limit, Bischoff says that if there's a tie for any reason -- such as, oh, two people applying a submission move on someone who taps out, like we just saw -- Benoit remains champion, no questions asked. Well, there's a quasi-precedent for this from King of the Ring 2001, although in that case they just restarted the match.

- Main event, handicap match: Shawn Michaels v. Randy Orton and David Flair. Michaels runs both men over with clotheslines to start, then suplexes Flair and hiptosses Orton, doing the Rocker routine by himself. Heels bail, so Michaels follows, but gets caught and LAUNCHED into the ringpost. That looked nasty. Back in, Orton stomps on the back to stop Michaels from flying, then switches to the leg. Flair in, and he stomps away on the leg and Banzai drops the knee a few times. Orton gets a shinbreaker for two. Flair kicks the leg out of Michaels' leg and applies some form of leglock, but even Orton can see it's not very good, so he tags in and does it right. Michaels tries to make the ropes, so Flair enters and elbowdrops Michaels. Orton goes to Play of the Day to keep the advantage, then hits a half-crab. Michaels squirms to the ropes. Flair enters and soccer kicks Michaels' leg, then gets a figure-four. Michaels fights and reverses, so Orton breaks it, the heels switch off, and Orton slaps on a figure-four of his own. Orton gets a few two-counts before Michaels makes the ropes. Orton continues pounding the leg, angry now, and calls Flair in. The two drop Michaels on the top rope, then suplex him in. Flair goes up top and lands full-force on Michaels' outstretched leg. Orton returns and tries a Sharpshooter, but Michaels shoves him off. Flair rolls Michaels up for two. Orton and Flair double-team Michaels, then Flair removes his turnbuckle pad as Orton slams Michaels into it for two (and blood). Flair back in, and he tries a legbar, but Michaels bridges out and kicks Flair in the nuts. Michaels kips up and tries the flying forearm, but Flair ducks and Michaels crashes. Orton tries an anklelock, but Rock emerges to watch the match. Orton leaves the ring and talks trash to Rock while Flair looks on, confused... and turns right around into Sweet Chin Music as Michaels falls on top for the pin at 16:33.

THE GOOD:

* Michaels proves he can take a shitkicking.

* The superkick is now crazy over.

* Orton is saved for the Rock.

THE BAD:

* Not long enough.

* Michaels should've gotten SOME offense.

THE UGLY:

* The bladejob was TOTALLY gratuitous.

* The legwork goes nowhere and doesn't lessen the superkick's impact.

Still, it was fun while it lasted, and Orton carries a match nicely, working the psychology and learning when to play to the crowd and what to do to get even more heelish. Orton/Rock oughta be a blast. ***1/4

The Bottom Line:

Okay, so Jericho can take a beating, Michaels can take a beating, and Benoit can take a beating. And there's no time limit. How long is WrestleMania again?

Not long enough.

*****

Okay, some BVS work:

First, WM is complete. Nine matches, four hours, and likely two extra on HeAT for fun. Here's the final card...

*RAW*

World Heavyweight Title: Chris Benoit © vs. Chris Jericho vs. Shawn Michaels

- No disqualification

- No countout

- No time limit

- Any inconclusive finish results in the champ retaining

Intercontinental Title: Lance Storm © vs. Michael Shane

Molly Holly vs. Kane

World Tag Team Titles AND Women's Title: René Dupree © and Sylvain Grenier © and Lucille LaChienne vs. Sting and Chris Harris and Alexis Laree © vs. Booker T and Scott Hall and Stacy Keibler vs. Joey Matthews and Chris Matthews and Jackie Gayda

- Elimination rules

- Men on winning team get World Tag Team Titles

- Woman on winning team gets Women's Title

*SD!*

WWE Heavyweight Title: Matt Hardy © vs. Edge

SuperCage II for the WWE Tag Team Titles: Ultimo Dragon and Tajiri © vs. Kurt Angle and Brock Lesnar vs. Charlie Haas and Shelton Benjamin vs. Eddie Guerrero and Rey Misterio

(For those not familiar with the SuperCage, picture a big blue steel cage. Now imagine a couple of bars going across the top, connecting opposite sides of the cage. Now put the tag belts above the cage. To win, you have to get the belts, which requires climbing the cage, getting to the intersection of the bars, and standing up on the bars to grab the belt.)

Hell In A Cell: Undertaker vs. Billy Kidman

Ron Simmons, Rob Van Dam, and Hurricane vs. Jonathan Bradshaw, Bull Buchanan, and Sean Morley

*PLUS*

Randy Orton vs. The Rock

Okay, next thing: after WrestleMania 21, I'm thinking of releasing a scenario. Would anyone want one?

Also, should I continue this universe or start something new? I don't wanna be a Baby Hewey here and basically do one diary through 25 years of game time or something. Either way, this thread will close after WM21, and if I continue, a new one opens.

Plus, KEEP THEM QUESTIONS COMING! PLEASE!

In a post later this week, I'll do some nominees for End of the Year awards. If there's anything you'd vote for offhand, let me know.

That's all for now.

Dukes

[Troy Maskell]

Yeah I blew off Smackdown (Ineedabreakus Fuckthecolumnus strikes again.) But since I am Beta and Epsilon of your lives (As opposed to Scott who is Alpha and Omega) Here's the Condensed 30 second version.

Opening Tag  DUD - Bite me. I question the point of trading Mondo to Smackdown. He can't carry people to good matches, especially those as useless as Nathan Jones.

Rob Conway is the next big thing? Since when? Who's been saying those things? Do you have their mental records?

Pain and Suffering V Kidman and Killings  * - What the hell does Killings have to do with the Undertaker fued? And no I don't know who Pain and Suffering are either. Ask the Rick, he needs attention.

Maven V Moore * - Maven's still alive huh? Why do they not keep this on Velocity where it belongs? Let Scott Fried suffer.

Colt V Fujita ***1/2 - Wow a crusierweight match in the WWE that doesn't suck. Colt still deserves better than this though.

Hardy V Conway ** - I don't know what Scott was drinking when he reviewed this match. But I want some.

Team Angle V Team Familia *** - Can't give it more in good conscience. What with trading one screwy finish for another screwy finish

[TMM]

Let me first state that this is easily the best diary I've ever read. Yup.

On to whether you should continue this universe; yes I say. If you do release a scenario, I have a feeling we'll get tonnes of diaries popping up everywhere, and they'll probably all suck. I think you should continue this universe.