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BlackFlagg

By BlackFlagg
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opinion |əˈpinyən| noun a view or judgment formed about something, not necessarily based on fact or knowledge. For example: In my opinion, hot rod should fuck off.

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Cabin in the Woods Amaz-tacular. Like Nightmare on Elm Street, Halloween, The Godfather, The Matrix, and Star Wars all rolled into one movie.

Benji
Benji

I am 20 minutes into The Lego Movie and it... is... awesome.

Roster Depth Sicko No. 2 World Champion

Roster Depth Sicko No. 2

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Detention. So fucking stupid, it's either genius or garbage. Here's a summary so you can decide for yourself.

Starts off with your fairly basic high school murder plot. Prom's coming up, popular kids are getting killed off, and then of course you have the comparatively plain protagonist who also gets caught up in it.

Then it pretty much goes off the rails. Traditional Jock is apparently a half fly mutant with acid breath who spent his youth with a TV on his hand. Really wants to fight Cool Flunking Male Protagonist for a reason I don't remember, who happens to be played by Josh Hutchinson of Hunger Games fame, which is about as defining a characteristic as he gets. They fight at a party, Traditional Jock gets murdered, various other totally unimportant things happen.

So apparently the best course of action is to give a whole bunch of characters who have already been introduced, along with one other guy, detention on prom night. Rather than you know actually doing anything about it or just cancelling the fucking prom since two of the kids died, which not enough people seem to care about.

Anyway, Mysterious Other Guy has apparently been in detention for about 20 years, yet doesn't seem to have aged for some reason. I don't know if they explained that. However, as they do a flashback of his time in detention, it's revealed Ditsy Cheerleader apparently went all 'Freaky Friday' with her mom, and they've been stuck in each other's bodies ever since. Something about aliens was used to explain all of this.

As Token Canadian Guy and the Principal get killed off, Mysterious Other Guy apparently solves some ridiculous equation and finds that there's an event happening in 1992 that will cause the timeline to go horribly wrong. Why it hasn't already is not explained. Asian Tech Guy steps up and reveals that he's been turning the school's mascot, a bear, into a time machine, because of course he has. There's also another flashback that seems to suggest that the bear was once an alien.

Turns out the event that blows everything up is that Creepy Side Character Who Is Obviously The Killer (abbreviated from here on) goes back in time shortly before them and helps the Principal, a student at the time, make a bomb, which failed in a previous flashback (there's a lot of these).

So Josh Hutchinson and the female lead whose only role was to avoid getting murdered twice go inside the bear and go back in time to 1992, where they fail, before getting back into the bear and going a little bit further back. Then they meet Actual Ditsy Cheerleader who is stuck in her mom's body. Because this wasn't already weird enough, she's apparently pregnant with Ditsy Cheerleader.

They convince her to change her mind and take the Principal to the prom, since the refusal is apparently why he's making the bomb in the first place. Something happens in the middle that explains why Mysterious Other Guy got endless detention, but it was a massive let down outside of some continuity from the beginning. They skip back to the present, but not before CSCWIOTK takes the bomb and straps it to himself, blowing himself and precisely nothing else up.

Various changes have occurred that aren't particularly worth detailing. In the new present, CSCWIOTK is revealed as the killer to the shock of everyone (slightly confused how he's even alive since he blew himself up in the past...). Fight scene occurs, the bear apparently becomes a giant fucking magnet and drags CSCWIOTK into him, before biting him in the head, killing him as literally no-one cares once again.

The two protagonists become Prom King and Queen, despite being in the prom itself for all of thirty seconds. They dance, despite the female lead breaking her ankle in the fight and now apparently being fine.

And because we haven't had quite enough weird shit, Token Canadian Guy is apparently an alien in the new timeline and is taking over the world.

There's also some other random side crap which doesn't particularly matter to the plot, like the female lead having a moment of clarity that she likes older men after having one of her breasts exposed at the party Traditional Jock got murdered at, before falling for the one gay teacher in the school.

None of that is made up. That is actually what happens.

Edited by Stannis Jeratheon
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Monkey D. Lars Intercontinental Champion

Monkey D. Lars

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Posted

Detention. So fucking stupid, it's either genius or garbage. Here's a summary so you can decide for yourself.

Starts off with your fairly basic high school murder plot. Prom's coming up, popular kids are getting killed off, and then of course you have the comparatively plain protagonist who also gets caught up in it.

Then it pretty much goes off the rails. Traditional Jock is apparently a half fly mutant with acid breath who spent his youth with a TV on his hand. Really wants to fight Cool Flunking Male Protagonist for a reason I don't remember, who happens to be played by Josh Hutchinson of Hunger Games fame, which is about as defining a characteristic as he gets. They fight at a party, Traditional Jock gets murdered, various other totally unimportant things happen.

So apparently the best course of action is to give a whole bunch of characters who have already been introduced, along with one other guy, detention on prom night. Rather than you know actually doing anything about it or just cancelling the fucking prom since two of the kids died, which not enough people seem to care about.

Anyway, Mysterious Other Guy has apparently been in detention for about 20 years, yet doesn't seem to have aged for some reason. I don't know if they explained that. However, as they do a flashback of his time in detention, it's revealed Ditsy Cheerleader apparently went all 'Freaky Friday' with her mom, and they've been stuck in each other's bodies ever since. Something about aliens was used to explain all of this.

As Token Canadian Guy and the Principal get killed off, Mysterious Other Guy apparently solves some ridiculous equation and finds that there's an event happening in 1992 that will cause the timeline to go horribly wrong. Why it hasn't already is not explained. Asian Tech Guy steps up and reveals that he's been turning the school's mascot, a bear, into a time machine, because of course he has. There's also another flashback that seems to suggest that the bear was once an alien.

Turns out the event that blows everything up is that Creepy Side Character Who Is Obviously The Killer (abbreviated from here on) goes back in time shortly before them and helps the Principal, a student at the time, make a bomb, which failed in a previous flashback (there's a lot of these).

So Josh Hutchinson and the female lead whose only role was to avoid getting murdered twice go inside the bear and go back in time to 1992, where they fail, before getting back into the bear and going a little bit further back. Then they meet Actual Ditsy Cheerleader who is stuck in her mom's body. Because this wasn't already weird enough, she's apparently pregnant with Ditsy Cheerleader.

They convince her to change her mind and take the Principal to the prom, since the refusal is apparently why he's making the bomb in the first place. Something happens in the middle that explains why Mysterious Other Guy got endless detention, but it was a massive let down outside of some continuity from the beginning. They skip back to the present, but not before CSCWIOTK takes the bomb and straps it to himself, blowing himself and precisely nothing else up.

Various changes have occurred that aren't particularly worth detailing. In the new present, CSCWIOTK is revealed as the killer to the shock of everyone (slightly confused how he's even alive since he blew himself up in the past...). Fight scene occurs, the bear apparently becomes a giant fucking magnet and drags CSCWIOTK into him, before biting him in the head, killing him as literally no-one cares once again.

The two protagonists become Prom King and Queen, despite being in the prom itself for all of thirty seconds. They dance, despite the female lead breaking her ankle in the fight and now apparently being fine.

And because we haven't had quite enough weird shit, Token Canadian Guy is apparently an alien in the new timeline and is taking over the world.

There's also some other random side crap which doesn't particularly matter to the plot, like the female lead having a moment of clarity that she likes older men after having one of her breasts exposed at the party Traditional Jock got murdered at, before falling for the one gay teacher in the school.

None of that is made up. That is actually what happens.

Have to watch this one now!

Also: Sharktopus vs. Pteracuda (2014) is what you expect of it! A bad movie so bad it's entertaining. I just love that they just keep fucking make strange Shark movies! I have some kind of weird obsession with them!

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Roster Depth Sicko No. 2 World Champion

Roster Depth Sicko No. 2

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How is Sharktopus vs. Pteracuda a thing that anyone would think up, let alone something that would get made?

What are some other 'so bad it's good' crap films I can watch? I've found Sharknado 2 on Netflix, but they don't seem to have Sharknado 1, which is terribly disappointing.

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Monkey D. Lars Intercontinental Champion

Monkey D. Lars

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Posted

How is Sharktopus vs. Pteracuda a thing that anyone would think up, let alone something that would get made?

What are some other 'so bad it's good' crap films I can watch? I've found Sharknado 2 on Netflix, but they don't seem to have Sharknado 1, which is terribly disappointing.

This year they have Sharktopus vs. Whalewolf! BELIEVE THAT!

I have tons!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=R6OoZNdAQuA

Samurai Cop is a must watch! They might even make a part 2 later! They had a kickstarter for it!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kZYXtFJTrvk

And if you like the more gorey stuff! Rick-oh is a must watch! I laughed my ass off watching this gem!

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Jimmy Hall Of Famer

Jimmy

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Had a little French film binge.

I found Beau Travail (1999) kind of disappointing considering the rave reviews, and being a fan of a previous Claire Dennis film. It just didn't do anything for me, unfortunately.

La Collectionneuse (1967) was my first Eric Rohmer film, which I thought was fantastic. It's really slow-paced, but it's just so interesting, and it uses colour so beautifully.

And this morning I watched Jeune & Jolie (2013), Francois Ozon's film about a 17 year old girl who enters the world of prostitution. There's obviously an air of Belle De Jour about it, but I thought it handled the subject matter extremely well, and had a lot of depth to it.

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